Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
