I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
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