My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize