I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
