this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
