Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
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