evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
