peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
