i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
