And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
