can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Randomize
