thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
