Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
