you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
