I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
