he told me I talked like a deaf person
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
