if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
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