She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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