I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
