How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize