you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
