Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
