After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
