My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
you had me at cake vodka
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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