1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
