we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
