who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
