Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize