I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
