Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
