I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
