i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
