I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
It was confusing and full of hummus
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
