Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize