i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
