lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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