i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
