he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
