4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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