dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
She announced her abortion via fbk
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Randomize
