never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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