She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
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