She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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