you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
