There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
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