you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize