I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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