can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
