That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
