Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
