4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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