____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
