Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
