So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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