i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
My butt remains clenched, sir.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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