Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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