When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
