We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Randomize
