I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
