I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
