I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
