he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Randomize
