Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize