Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
