Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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