You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize