life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
