Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
