Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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