just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize