their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
